In honor of Pokemon month and my recent antagonism towards Pokemon since my Pokemon Black copy stopped working (like they do in reality), I have taken it upon myself to "uncover" Pokemon. Having already pointed out (amongst peers: Arix and Pico) the fact Cubone has some serious inconsistencies and Oedipal problems to work out, I shall now reveal what sort of Hell we would live in if Pokemon were real. There are some factors we will view as actual occurrences:
*Pokemon are as intelligent as they are shown.
*They have a cry that is similar to their name
* They are able to communicate with another. (it's fucking magical, or something)
*They can suddenly mature after reaching a certain age and psychological state. AKA evolving
*They can perform the same attacks as they do in every medium they're presented in.
*THEY AREN'T INVINCIBLE!
*Legendaries exist, and only one of them for each legendary.
* Cubone will not be touched upon. I'm tired of them.
* "Super effective" and "not very effective", both nonexistent. Nearly every attack is effective.
*TMs can be taught to them (magically)
* Once they reach a certain stage of development, they learn new attacks
Health & Safety
Imagine a world in which animals run around, much like this one. Playing, running, eating, survival stuff. Now imagine these animals invoking the power of nature to summon an eruption to fend off a rival thereby successfully igniting brush fire across the whole state of California. That's Pokemon. Pokemon would be INCREDIBLY dangerous. The ability of relatively intelligent animals to call upon destructive forces could decimate cities, or more likely, be responsible for much of the damage in cities. Let's assume much like now, the building of cities pushes Pokemon away due to negative human interaction. However, Pokemon could still potentially live in cities, within the context of Pokemon that would likely live there (rattata, pidgey, starling, meowth, skitty, etc). An oversized pidgeon could be a common sight (and is a common sight), but this sight could form a miniature tornado to tear through the city, creating damage and killing a variety of people. Let's play Devil's advocate and say only small Pokemon live in cities. Fair enough. Take a look at moves they can naturally learn. A pidgey well trained enough by itself is not some little shit, but like the rabbit from Monty Python's Holy Grail. I would also like to site Grimer, a Pokemon made of poisonous sludge. Imagine that thing invading your water supply? Yeah, a lot of disease and illness may prompt more stringent requirements in analyzing water content.
Besides murderous pidgeons to be seen daily, we aren't taking into account the rare possibility a truly destructive Pokemon enters the cities vicinity, angry or moody, say a legendary. If Ho-Oh has been awakened and takes flight, in the chance he decides to unleash a Hydrogen bomb type destruction upon the city, they would have to evacuate the city almost every time he flew over, lest, you know, massive death. On a lesser scale, imagine an angry Rhydon stomping around. This can cause numerous miniature tremors. Ignoring the horrid impact it may have on plate tectonics, there would likely be drills to deal with these "lesser" destructive Pokemon. Now, going back to legendary destruction, the threat they pose is so severe, do you really think they'd allow EPA to protect them? Hell no. They would probably assign a task force to kill them, or if you're cynical, kidnap them and use them for personal gain (like every pokemon villain except the villain this time is a government with access to military and their own destructive pokemon). There would probably not be that much of an environment backlash since they are the only one of their species, though killing Celebi may be kinda bad.
It is also this sheer danger that would render small, rural towns like Pallettown a pretty damn stupid choice to live. If just one pissed off Pokemon enters, it would bring the town to ashes and there is not too much concern in regards to protection to motivate government to send forces to stop the pissy Pokemon when there is an entire city at risk of these encounters. The town may have a "close connection with nature" thing going on, but I restate, it only takes ONE pissy Pokemon. There are far too many wild Pokemon that would likely run about such a town and the structures/government agencies dedicated to protecting the town are nonexistent. This is why a single Pokemon wiping a city off the map can be probable, not to mention that directly outside the town and passing through the town would be rather sizable Pokemon, like a fucking Scyther.
Now, what about those cute little trainers? Could they not defend the city with their own Pokemon that they trained battling with one another in friendly competition? No. If I have not established the danger level of using Pokemon, let me put in a lawful perspective. Pokemon would be WEAPONS. W. E. A. P. O. N. S. Giving a kid an animal that shoots fireballs with the goal of fighting other kids who have animals that shoot fireballs is like giving kids flamethrowers with the aim of blowing up the other kids flamethrower. You can make anything cute. You can make children smacking each other with steel rod-swords, so their soul is not stolen, alongside Disney characters cute (See: Kingdom Hearts)(heh...Disney and souls). Anyways, Pokemon=1st class weapons. No man, woman, or child would be able to own them due to being both highly dangerous weapons and an exotic animal. (Like a lion that emits nuclear radiation from its robotic mane). To deal with the occasional disruptive pokemon, the options would be: (A) Kill it, (B) Sedate and remove, (C) Fight and remove, (D) Ignore it/Leave city. In (D), the city would be ridded of or sustain massive damage before it finally ends, which is never a good thing (people, homes, property, jobs, etc.). While (C) seems appealing to anyone with the concept of Power Ranger type battles, this could be worse than even (D). Having two animals go at each other each with the potential to bring down civilizations will do more damage. If the pissy Pokemon is engaged, it may, you know, become even more pissy and utilize attacks with greater power behind them ( which frankly equals more destruction and risk to human life). This also does not take into account YOUR Pokemon becoming stimulated in the fight and putting power behind its attack. In this case, you're never a part of the solution, only the problem. However, if you have a specially trained Pokemon that exceeds the others power and it can use a simple Slash to rid of Mr. Happy, well, kudos to you, you actually were a part of solution, and may have prevented mire destruction by ending the rampage sooner than a dart or bullet to the face would have.
Following up upon the fact that Pokemon are WMDs and you chose to actually fight the problem rather than sedate or kill it, there would probably be a special task force under orders of military and government to utilize such dangerous creatures. "Trainers" would not be the happy-go-lucky children in the show, but highly trained, elite, CIA or military personnel able to obtain access to destructive devices. It is safe to say this division would be responsible for dealing with rampages, but it would likely be, since there are few of these men and not as readily available as the police, for rampages where sedation and a bullet to the head are ineffective and this Pokemon is annihilating city blocks every 2 seconds, like a vexed Tyranitar using fissure everywhere. A pissy Pidgeot would likely be handled by FBI or police as having such a group that demands a high degree of training and would likely be used for more important "matters" (*coughespionagecough*). If you may have figured out by now, TMs would be made by the government and be a black market item for the public since powering up an something that can easily bring about genocide is generally frowned upon in law...and society in general. I would also like to put in a little biology, if you are fighting each other with Pokemon, using slash, like in the example of what to do, would not render them unconscious. Using attacks will result in damage, massive damage. A slash would render a blood carcass while Flamethrower would turn Pokemon into a living model of witch hunting. Yes, they will be burned alive. Unless it is something like using ember on a Geodude to eventually render him unconscious by heat bombardment, most battles will end in suffering and death. Good ol' kids' games.
*This mainly focuses on wild Pokemon and Pokemon's natural power. Criminals and Pokemon will be next...maybe...if I feel like it. Don't expect anything soon... or at all.
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